Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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