You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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