I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
