How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
