i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
