I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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