K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
