You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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