But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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