pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i now understand why vodka
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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