well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
