Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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