haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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