i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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