Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
