Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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