It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
