Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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