I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
