How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
