Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
