well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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