Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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