Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
