My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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