we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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