he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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