Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
