none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
