Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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