What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
