I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
