what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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