u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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