i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had sex on a roof
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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