I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my shit smells like andre
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
