yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
