oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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