i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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