I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
