My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
