On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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