Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
