Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
