i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
