Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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