Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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