I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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