Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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