hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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