please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
