The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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