I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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