So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
