3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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