that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
