3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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