I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
