i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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