So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
