what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
