He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize