she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
