I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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