Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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