ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
