my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
