when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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