so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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