she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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