he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
