Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
