We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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