I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
