needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
