If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
