i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
