my mouth tastes like poor choices
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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