Your tits are I can't wait for
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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