FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
