I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
