Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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