Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
