my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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