just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
