In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
