Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
