am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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