I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
